Close Reading IV: November 20th--"New Decoy Website Launched to Lure Away All Moronic Internet Commenters"

Anyone who has ever viewed a comment-chain on a social-media site has undoubtedly been frustrated by the large amount of annoying, nonsensical, or inflammatory comments people leave in order to incite others or just waste everyone’s time.  The satirical article “New Decoy Website Launched to Lure Away All Moronic Internet Commenters”, found in the online news site The Onion, makes fun of those who leave these comments by covering a fictional news site designed to contain all of these useless, brainless comments.  The author uses details concerning the comments and the new site, offensive diction, and sarcastic language to contribute to the mocking tone of the article, which condemns these useless comments while making the reader laugh, and simultaneously evokes a humorous irony: this is the same language that the online commenters use, and The Onion is a technically a social networking site.

The article’s humor works on several levels, as does its commentary.  Initially, the reader is shown how the site works, and how the author disapproves of those who rant pointlessly online.  In order to effectively demonstrate the annoying problem at hand, the author provides rich and humorous detail, especially concerning the comments people leave on Outkube.  Throughout the article, the author makes sure to choose specific subjects these internet trollers focus on, subjects designed to cause the reader to laugh and realize what true idiotic jerks these commenters are.  The offensive conversations cover preposterous topics such as “Jewish control of the government and media” and “whether Adam Lambert should get AIDS and die, or the government's secret plan to mentally incapacitate citizens using the HPV vaccine.”  While these details demonstrate that the commenters are essentially crazy, the author also focuses on their lack of intelligence and profanity in their discussions over “Ryan Gosling…whether Kobe is better than LeBron, [and] the New York Jets”.  A “sample” of the site is even given to illustrate the sheer stupidity of the commenters.  For example, the “incoherent” comment “a hahh a!!!111 OH shit!” demonstrates the mindlessness of the commenters, while this is underlined by the commenter’s profile picture being a cartoon Calvin peeing.  The rudeness and inability to argue civilly and intelligently is underlined by the ungrammatical syntax in the comments, misspellings, and run-on sentences, especially in the rants of user jlrMTL.

                Further details are provided in describing how Outkube keeps the idiotic commenters addicted to the site.  The author brings the reader’s attention to the sheer idiocy of the users by showing how Outkube executives simply throw out a picture of a woman if the user has not commented in the last 15 seconds, and ask the user to rate her, up to “totally boneable”.  The author goes on show state how this, and other similar tactics, polls, and thoughtfully placed comments by executives keep the users on site and ranting.   This brings the reader’s attention to how ridiculous these comments really are, and how stupid spending all your time on some social networking site is.  The relief expressed by workers at CNN because someone has actually had an intelligent conversation is a detail which shows the reader the sophisticated depravity we live in.  

                All of this, and the fictional social media site, Outkube, is initially described as being “used to lure moronic Internet commenters away from all other websites.”  This sets the mocking, condescending tone which progresses throughout the article while beginning to introduce the harsh diction continually used to describe the commenters.  The author refers to these annoying commenters as “dim-witted web users”, “web-surfing morons”, “obnoxious”, “idiotic”, and “the worst fucking human beings imaginable”.  And while the author views these people as “stupid” and just trying “to incite retaliatory remarks”, he peppers his article with interviews with the fictional investors in and creators of the site, and their diction is even more offensive.    YouTube’s CEO refers to annoying commenters who will use Outkube as “jabbering halfwits”, and asserts that the commenters range “from paranoid reactionaries to know-it-all pricks to racists to plain old dumbfucks.”  These “troglodytes” are also stated to be “uninformed” and a curse on society, and that Outkube is a “Godsend” which is liberating the people from these horrible commenters.  However, here the reader sees the second level of humor, and the irony in the article.  In condemning the online commenters, the article uses the very same diction and language they do, ranting very much in the same way.  And the reader is then tempted to do the same thing, as I have unconsciously done in this essay.  Moreover, the online newspaper itself is essentially a place for people to rant about society through humorous and satirical articles and videos.  So while the article causes the reader to recognize the stupidity and pointlessness in these online commenters, it also has a self-deprecating ring to it.

                Through author’s disapproval and humorous mocking of the internet trollers, the reader sees both the commenter’s idiocy, and the idiocy of some of these social networking sites.  Through the details and diction describing the commenter’s profanity, stupidity, and how they waste their time doing something so useless, the reader longs for an actual Outkube which will remove this horrible mindlessness from a society which should be more sophisticated and intelligent.  In doing this, the author uses the same language of the ranting commenters, and becomes one himself, and recognizes it, and thereby adds another layer of humor and irony to the thought-provoking article.  Ultimately, the author succeeds in this article, and not just by making the reader laugh: he ensures that they will think twice before posting their next comment telling everyone who doesn’t want to hear that the Koran advocates wife-beating.   

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-decoy-website-launched-to-lure-away-all-moroni,26393/#enlarge